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rollen stewart Anyone remember this guy? He used to make a spectacle of himself throughout the 70s and 80s at sporting events, usually in the end zone at football games, drawing attention to himself and his message by waving like a lunatic every time there was an extra point try.

His name is Rollen Stewart and he was a Jesus Freak to the same degree that George Zimmerman is a racist scumbag. Rollen made it his job to remind us all that "God so loved the world he gave his only fuck-you-fuck-you-guilt-guilt-guilt-guilt".

Hey! Someone had to do it. Up until the 70s not many people had ever heard of Jesus. Right? (I kid. I kid because I hate.)

So where is Rollen now? In prison, serving three life terms for kidnapping and other assorted fun crimes. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

But Rollen wasn't what I wanted to talk about. It was what was on his shirt, that "John 3:16" stuff. The Greeks, who cobbled together the original version of what we call "The Bible", didn't originally delineate the text into the clear-cut chapters and verses with which we're all familiar. That was done much later, in 1551, by a Frenchman named Henri Estienne. Its effect was to instantly change the Bible from a collection of ancient literature to what it actually is... a rulebook. Yes, the Bible is no different from any government handbook on how to lubricate an Abrams tank or how to properly play a game of Brockian ultra-cricket.

For an idea of the kind of difference this makes consider doing the same thing to, say, A Clockwork Orange, Pride and Predjudice, or The Professor and the Naughty Coeds. Now if you need a justification for an English murder spree you need say no more than "Burgess 5:27".

But for now, at least, if you quickly need to find the proper verse to put some slut in her place it's never been easier.... at least, since 1551.


end rant


A little something courtesy of Harper's Index and, suprisingly, Walmart.
walmart sucks

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Momma God: You had a nice, newplanet but you filled it with defective creatures.
So you drowned them and started over.
But the next batch of creatures were defective, too.
So you sent your son down to fix the problem.
Your. Only. Son.
But they killed him.
Now you're offering these barbarians eternal life if they worship your dead son.
Meanwhile, the planet is overcrowded, polluted, and its ice caps are missing.
God: Okay, so?
So that's why you can't have a hamster.

Overturn Citizens United