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Herman Cain thinks he's Moses
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Attention Shoppers!

dog whistleI
t had to happen eventually. A U.S. citizen simply cannot become a Republican candidate for Commander-in-Chief without whipping out the great, big, fat whopper of a lie that "God told me to run for president". And that's exactly what an audience of unripened conservatives enjoyed last week in Atlanta during a performance of "Dog Whistle, Opus 2012", by Herman Sebastian Cain. (His previous work, now playing in media outlets everywhere, except for Fox News, is "Sexual Harassment Organissimo Flagrante for Two Hands".)

There is, no doubt, laboriously accumulated statistical analysis which indicates that a candidate will gain a significantly greater number of votes from drooling boobs than from enlightened, educated citizens by simply using the G-word, so this is not so much a humble revelation of the candidates devotion to god as it is a calculated ploy to boost their numbers.

With God as his BFF a GOP candidate could literally have the blood of puppies dripping from the fender of his limousine, but as long as he uses the magic word in his literature his prospective, room-temperature constituents could care less. He's their boy because he believes in the same imaginary friend that they do. (BTW, I'm using all masculine pronouns here because, c'mon, a woman GOP president? Really? Seriously?)

Cthulhu help us.


I'd written a Herman Cain gag that I thought was much more entertaining but which was difficult to illustrate, so I'll just explain it thusly:

God and Herman Cain are sitting in a car outside the Restaurant Owner's Association building. Yahweh, in the driver's seat, has his hand on the back of Cain's neck and is forcing it down towards the vibrantly throbbing area of His divine crotch. Cain shows some resistance to this harmless flirtation but the Creator eases his concern by saying, "You want the job of president, don't you?"

Herman Cain, Yahweh's little godhead-gobbler.


Addendum: I just read a quote from God's BFF saying he likes meat on his pizza.

Wow! I never thought of that!

What's next? Cold beer? Big cars? Institutionalized mysogyny?

Way to be a trailblazer there, Herman.


Finally our "Chart of the Day":

presidential debt accumulation

Click here for a larger version of the chart.

Note that the Obama section includes spending for Medicare D and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, both of which Bush kept off the books.



Republican Job Creation Update

john boehner"We're going to have a relentless focus on creating jobs." - John Boehner, February 10, 2011.

The following is #108 in a list of Republican job creation activities since they gained control of the House in 2011. None, sad to say, have yet to result in one, single new job.

(108) 11-14-2011: The House and Senate are on hiatus but presidential candidates Gingrich, Bachmann, and Perry want to, respectively, start a war against Iran, make America like China, and turn nuclear regulation over to the equivalent of McDonalds.

NOTE: As a result of an unexpected wave of enthusiasm the Republican Job Creation update now has its own web site. It will remain on the RP but a web site of its own will raise its visibility on the 'net as we progress towards the critical 2012 elections. And I thank you for your support.


Dump Fox News

Fox News Lies!And what manner of lie is Fox News spewing today? You say you want a little character assassination, Bunkie?

Click here to help Drop Fox from your cable system.

end rant

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Mike's Video Vault

Herman Cain's Sarah Palin impression. Pure Alaskan bullshit.

Raging Pencils is a psychotic conceit of:

Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
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Today's Google Chow.

Herman Cain
Adressing Atlanta's young Republicans
(Subtitled for the Conservative-impaired.)
C: Before Obama was elected I never thought of running for president.
S: I figure we all look the same to white people, so why not?
C: Then I saw Obama's arrogant disregard of the American people...
S: By "American people" I mean the 400 families who own 50% of everything in this country.
C: So I prayed and prayed and prayed until I heard God telling me what to do.
S: By some amazing coincidence it was exactly what I wanted to hear. It just was like he was reading my mind or something.
C: Then I was all like Moses going "You've got the wrong man, Lord."
S: I didn't compare myself to Jesus because, you know, that'd be kinda psychotic..