Attention
Shoppers!
 It
had to happen eventually. A U.S. citizen simply cannot
become a Republican candidate for Commander-in-Chief
without whipping out the great, big, fat whopper of
a lie that
"God
told me to run for president". And that's exactly
what an audience of unripened conservatives enjoyed
last
week in Atlanta during a performance of "Dog Whistle,
Opus 2012", by Herman
Sebastian
Cain. (His previous work, now playing in media outlets
everywhere, except for Fox News, is "Sexual Harassment
Organissimo Flagrante for Two Hands".)
There is, no doubt, laboriously accumulated statistical
analysis which indicates
that a candidate will gain a significantly greater
number of votes from drooling boobs than from enlightened,
educated
citizens
by simply using the G-word, so this is not so much
a humble revelation of the candidates devotion to god
as it is a calculated ploy to boost their numbers.
With God as his BFF
a GOP candidate
could literally have the blood
of puppies dripping
from the
fender
of his
limousine, but as long as he uses the magic word
in his literature his prospective, room-temperature constituents
could care less. He's their boy because he believes in
the same
imaginary friend that they do. (BTW, I'm using all
masculine pronouns here because, c'mon, a woman GOP
president?
Really? Seriously?)
Cthulhu help us.
------------
I'd written a Herman Cain gag
that I thought was much more entertaining but which
was difficult to illustrate, so I'll just explain it
thusly:
God and Herman Cain are sitting in a car outside
the Restaurant Owner's Association building. Yahweh,
in
the driver's seat, has his hand on the back of Cain's
neck
and is
forcing it down
towards
the vibrantly throbbing area of His divine crotch.
Cain shows some resistance to this harmless flirtation
but
the Creator
eases his concern by saying, "You
want the
job
of president,
don't you?"
Herman Cain, Yahweh's little godhead-gobbler.
-----------
Addendum: I
just read a quote from God's BFF saying he likes meat on his pizza.
Wow! I never thought of that!
What's next? Cold beer? Big cars? Institutionalized mysogyny?
Way to be a trailblazer there, Herman.
-----------
Finally our "Chart of the Day":
Click
here for a larger version of the chart.
Note that the Obama section includes spending
for Medicare D and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan,
both of which
Bush kept off the books.
=Lefty=
------------
Republican Job Creation Update
 "We're
going to have a relentless
focus on creating jobs." -
John Boehner, February 10, 2011.
The following is #108 in a
list of Republican
job creation activities
since they gained control of
the House in 2011. None, sad
to
say,
have
yet to result in one, single
new job.
(108) 11-14-2011: The House
and Senate are on hiatus but
presidential candidates Gingrich,
Bachmann, and
Perry want to, respectively, start a war against
Iran, make America like China,
and turn nuclear regulation
over
to the
equivalent of McDonalds.
NOTE: As a result of an unexpected wave of enthusiasm
the Republican
Job Creation update now has
its own web site. It will remain
on the RP but
a web site of its own will raise
its visibility on the 'net as
we progress towards the critical
2012 elections. And I thank you
for your support.
------------
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