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start rant

Conversion Factor

saint albert einsteinI
am no longer an atheist.

For one thing, it's a really useless word. Long ago some well-intentioned soul took the word "theist" and slapped an "a" in front of it and declared it a good enough descriptor for the likes of us heretic rabble, but it's as ridiculous as me calling myself an arepublican or an acarnivore or an akitty-raper.

So from this day forth I'm an Einsteinian. As a direct result of the dedicated works of Saint Albert I take great personal solace in knowing theoretically how the universe was created and how life on Earth evolved. It's all the simple result of hideously-complicated physics and genetics.

Unlike the Bible, which is a dead end in so many ways, my new gospel, this Book of Knowledge, is almost a living thing, virtually vibrating with the excitement of amended information and accumulated data. "Prove me wrong!" it pleads, as opposed to "Take my word for it or burn in Hell."

I know it's a bit audacious to toss around words like "saint" but there are ecclesiastical comparisons. After all, Mr. Einstein's mother was a virgin (at some point in her life) and he was born in a 'stable' environment. And, like Jesus, he was in his early thirties when his divination was recognized, though luckily for us no one nailed him to anything.

The best part of my new orthodoxy is that they already teach it to our children in SCHOOL!



end rant

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