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Today's fortune cookie
The last Helen Keller Joke.

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Helen Backagain

helen kellerHelen Adams Keller (June 27, 1880 - June 1, 1968) was an American author, activist, and lecturer. She was the first deaf/blind person to graduate from college. The story of how Keller's teacher, Annie Sullivan, broke through the isolation imposed by a near complete lack of language, allowing the girl to blossom as she learned to communicate, has become known worldwide through the dramatic depictions of the play and film The Miracle Worker. A prolific author, Keller was well traveled and was outspoken in her opposition to war. She campaigned for women's suffrage, workers' rights, and socialism, as well as many other progressive causes.

She was also the subject of some really juvenile jokes:

What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
- Velcro

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
- She answered the iron.

How did Helen Keller burn the other side of her face?
- They called back.

Why was Helen Keller's leg wet?
- Her dog was blind too.

How did Helen Keller burn her fingers?
- Reading the waffle iron.

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
- She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue.

How come Helen Keller didn't scream when she fell off the cliff?
- She was wearing mittens.

Why does Helen Keller wear skin-tight pants?
- So you can read her lips.

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
- You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr'.

What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her?
- Rearranged the furniture.

What was Helen Keller's favorite childhood game?
- Musical chairs.

How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret?
- Break her fingers.

Why did Helen Keller cross the road?
- What, like she knows where she's going?

What's this (slowly waving fingers)?
- Helen Keller moaning.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry-sorry-sorry.


end rant

Raging Pencils salutes the Mystery Readers of
Sydney River, Nova Scotia
Whoever you are, thanks for reading my fractious little 'toon.

end rant

A blast from the blood-thirsty past. The RP from 11-12-08.

intergenerational vampires

end rant

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Today's Google Chow.

An office... somewhere on cable.

Frankenstein: "Hrmm-hrrrh hrrr hmm".
Douchebag: "That's what SHE said!"
Secretary: God, I hate Helen Keller jokes.

Caption: In this episode Dwight's long-lost brother Frank gets a temporary
job as a fire inspector. Hilarity ensues.