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Rhino laments his role in aphrodesia.

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Raging Pencils is a mythical conceit of:

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Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
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Oh, Snap!

fly spaghetti monster
If I could snap my fingers and remove all memory of religion from the face of the Earth, do you know what would happen?

Day One: No religion.

Day Two: Millions of religions.

The reason for that is simple... people have an inherent need to 'believe', not just in Jesus or Mohammed or the Flying Spaghetti monster, just in something 'else'. It's partly genetic and partly because science has reached the point where it's indecipherable to the general public... you know, the ones who still think Fox News is news.

Unfortunately, this need to have the world explained in something other than peer-reviewed methodologies makes huge swaths of the population gullible targets for the types of people who would happily invent new dogmas as a means to fleece their new flocks.

But that's just how religion works. Trust me, Jesus didn't say "I want a massive theocracy set up in Italy in a huge palace stuffed with gold where one guy in a dress and a big pointy hat will talk to my Dad and interpret his message. Oh, yeah, the guy can also sexually molest your kids all he wants, so just shut up and fork 'em over."

As I recall, the Big J-man advised us to just be nice to our neighbors, especially the poor, and everything would generally work out for the best. End of story. Unfortunately, that just made the poor a moral commodity as most monies allocated by the altrustic to help the downtrodden is funneled through, you guessed it, the Church.

And if you don't have a pot to piss in yourself? Why send cash or checks to the address at the bottom of the screen, beloved, and Jesus will bring good fortune to you, Hallelujah!


Because of advances in technology which have occurred only in the past 50 years we know that this world, this universe, wasn't made in seven days by some grumpy, avuncular white guy sitting in the clouds deciding if you should burn in lakes of fire for all eternity for wearing two types of cloth or eating the wrong hors 'd'oeuvre on the wrong day of the week. We can actually see, with the aid of advanced imaging techiniques, that it's still under construction, and being torn asunder, by physical forces that science is trying desperately to understand.

Look at it this way.... going by the empirical data your chances of going to Mars, though miniscule, are infinitely greater than that of your going to Heaven. I know which line I prefer to be standing in.


I Can't HEAR You!

Does Raging Pencils ever give you pause for thought? Do the cartoons or the Rants make you want to kick the dog or send me flowers? Do you ever wish you could share a thoughtful rebuttal about the subject matter I mangle three times a week?

I've occasionally considered adding a comment widget to this web site but then I remember the sage wisdom of Dallas Cowboys coach Tom Landry, who used to say... "There are three things that can happen when you pass a football, and two of them are bad."

I feel the same way about comments on a site like this. They'll either be praise (that I honestly feel awkward about), unrelieved trollery or, worst of all, sincere opinion. (Baddum-shhh!)

To be honest, adding a modern comment tool to the architecture of this site is outside of my current technical capabilities, but I'll be delighted to showcase any emails you send my way which advance the discussion. Heck, I'll even let you say things about my mother if you're creative enough.

So go for it. Release those inner tensions. Just be sure to spell it correctly or else the Grammar Nazis will getcha.

PS, Thanks, Bob.


end rant

Raging Pencils salutes the Mystery Readers of
Orense, Spain
Whoever you are, thanks for reading my fractious little 'toon.

end rant

A blast from the inventive past. The RP from 1-26-09.

child porn on the ark

end rant

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Today's Google Chow.

Rhino at bar:

Rhino: "According to legend my ancestors were chosen by God's own hand to survive the Great Flood. That would, I suppose, make me pretty special. Yet I'm almost the last of my kind, and now some guy wants me dead in the odd belief that ingesting bits of my horn will stiffen hi willie. Well, glory @#$%&* hallelujah for me."