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Sarah Palin and the crib notes from hell.

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Raging Pencils is a back-handed conceit of:

Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
Mike "Lefty" Stanfill, Private Hand
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Today's mystery web comic is:

start rant

Oh, Grandma, What Big Hands You Have!

sarah fucking palinI don't have to explain today's comic, but I so badly WANT to.


You see, I could probably make a Raging Pencils cartoon almost every single hour of every single day lampooning some piece of buffoonery committed by Sarah Palin.

I mean, if Exxon ever found a way to turn pure gall into gasoline they would find Ms. Palin to be one of the richest sources on the planet and have great difficulty pumping her dry.

Quite the vivid picture, eh?

So here's today's story: Little Miss "I-Can-See-Stuff-From-My-Stuff" headlined a tea-bagger convention this past weekend, an event in which nearly every other advertised speaker eventually begged out of for reasons that varied from "WTF was I thinking?" to "I'm, uhhhh, washing my hair?".

All except for Sarah. She stuck to her guns and did her patriotic duty... and cashed her $115,000 speaking fee.

There she stood at the podium, speech in hand before a sparse crowd of 600 attendees (each of whom had ponied up $500 bucks for the honor), the spotlight gleaming majestically off her Wal-Mart hair-poof, nasally griping about how that danged old Constitution spoils all her Republican fun when it comes to torturing brown people.

(BTW, this was broadcast, live, for an hour, on CNN. Thank you, Time-Warner, you sweet little fascists, you.)

Then she brought up the fact that the legally-elected president, Mr. Obama, uses a teleprompter, in much the same tone of voice one would usually reserve for something the dog coughed up in the ham gravy.

Last I checked, all of our recent presidents used a teleprompter extensively, not least of whom was good old George "Loquacious" Bush. Or Sarah Palin herself, for that matter, as she has employed them often in the past. It seemed an odd brush to attempt to tar others with.

Then question-and-answer time rolled around and she began slyly peeking at her hands. That's when a camera zoomed in and noted she'd written crib notes on her hands.

On. Her. Hands.

Here's a close-up of her actual hand in question in case you doubt my veracity (A picture the Palin campaign seems hotly intent upon censoring ASAP) :

palin's hand

It says "Energy", "budget cuts", "tax", and "Lift America's spirits". Awwww. She wants to wift our spiwwits.

Now, there's nothing illegal or immoral about this, but the simple-minded, grade-school level of the subjects is hysterical. It reminded me of a note that old lonesome George Bush passed to Condileeza Rice during a United Nations event some years ago:

george Buh's bathroom break

It says, "I think I may need a bathroom break."

Yes, the prez is asking his handler if he can go wee-wee. I am not making this up.

They're one and the same, these two... just a couple of empty heads masked by perty faces, spouting what they're told, waiting around for a chance to pee.

The whole thing reminded me about when I was in 7th grade and I actually did get caught similarly cribbing notes by writing answers on my hand. I got sent to the principal's office, got chewed-out for a while and then went back to class a chastened cheater. I never did it again.

I couldn't help but feeling, knowing what I do about Palin's peculiar educational history, that this isn't uncommon for her. It's just that she's never been caught at it until now. It's one thing to do it as a 13-year-old, quite another when you're a grandmother with world domination on your mind.


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Raging Pencils salutes the Mystery Readers of
Nairobi, Kenya
Whoever you are, thanks for reading my cosmic little 'toon.

end rant

A blast from the reeking past. The RP from 10-20-08.

the trojan veep

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Can't make sense of the news? Try our selection of progressive nosh:
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Today's Google Chow.

Couple on couch, watching Sarah Palin lie about shit.

He: "When I was in 7th grade I got caught writing answers to a test on my hand. I learned a valuable lesson that day."
She: "That cheaters never prosper?"
He: "No, Dianne, that there are much easier ways to cheat."
She: "My names Angela."
He: "Exactly."