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Raging Pencils by
Mike "Trade Paperback" Stanfill
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He, or Doesn't He? He Does.
"Another vice president who's a hunter. What could
go wrong there?" - Jay Leno.
Story Short: "Pssst! Wanna buy a bridge?"
Republicans played a game of "Who can lie more
about the Democrats" at their convention all week.
Lie after lie after easily-disprovable
lie. If the
Dems had uttered a single fib about the Republicans in Denver
you can bet that their words would have been played
and replayed on Fox
hard drives slagged. If you haven't noticed, they've been
kinda quiet in that regard.
Why do Republicans allow so much lying by the heads of their
party? Because they're not lying to Republicans. They're
lying to everyone else. When George Bush lied about being
a fiscal conservative or a uniter (not a divider) he was
lying to YOU, not the people that voted for him. When told
job members of the GOP just looked at one another, winked,
and went back
out what country they'll invade next. Once you understand
that is when you understand exactly where you stand.
As for Thursday's speech in general, McCain offered nothing
but code words, disingenuousness and meaningless sentimentalism.
The only surprise was letting slip the idea that global
warming is real, something his corporate masters won't be
too happy about.
The audience was more entertaining as large sections were populated by a boistrous,
manly glee club whose job was obviously to instantly leap into a chant of "USA!
USA! USA!" on cue, whether the moment demanded it or not. This wasn't unbridled
enthusiasm, this was someone's job. To break up the monotony they'd attempt a
half-hearted "H-E-R-O, H-E-R-O" but it didn't sound like their hearts
were in it. Too silly.
After wandering from topic to topic for forty minutes McCain abruptly began exhorting
the crowd to stand up, rise up. It was a horribly contrived attempt to make his
speech seem as though it had reached an emotional azimuth but the crowd's half-hearted
reaction was less one of rapture than of relief at having endured.
Phony. Contrived. Desperate.
Free Bonus Snark!
The Daily Show is a master of the Youtube.
Republican Hypocrisy on Parade.
After the U.S. invaded Iraq one
of the first things our military did was to
search for mass graves. This new mass grave
in Baquba, Iraq is a
result of the U.S. occupation, which means it must
be a good mass grave.
Extra Free Bonus Snarklette
|And what do commentators say when the camera
goes off? Especially Peggy Noonan, Reagan's old
speechwriter. Here's the transcript in case you
wish to follow along:
Chuck Todd: Mike Murphy, lots of free advice, we'll
see if Steve Schmidt and the boys were watching.
We'll find out on your blackberry. Tonight voters
will get their chance to hear from Sarah Palin
and she will get the chance to show voters she's
the right woman for the job Up next, one man who's
already convinced and he'll us why Gov. Jon Huntsman.
(camera cuts away)
Peggy Noonan: Yeah.
Mike Murphy: You know, because I come out of the
blue swing state governor world: Engler, Whitman,
Tommy Thompson, Mitt Romney, Jeb Bush. I mean,
these guys -- this is how you win a Texas race,
just run it up. And it's not gonna work. And --
PN: It's over.
MM: Still McCain can give a version of the Lieberman
speech to do himself some good.
CT: I also think the Palin pick is insulting to
Kay Bailey Hutchinson, too.
PN: Saw Kay this morning.
CT: Yeah, she's never looked comfortable about
MM: They're all bummed out.
CT: Yeah, I mean is she really the most qualified
woman they could have turned to?
PN: The most qualified? No! I think they went for
this -- excuse me-- political bullshit about narratives
CT: Yeah they went to a narrative.
MM: I totally agree.
PN: Every time the Republicans do that, because
that's not where they live and it's not what they're
good at, they blow it.
MM: You know what's really the worst thing about
it? The greatness of McCain is no cynicism, and
this is cynical.
CT: This is cynical, and as you called it, gimmicky.
"Oh, yes, I remember it well. In 1996 Mayor Palin tried to sensor some books
because she thought thm to be too sexual or violent. We informed her it didn't
matter what she thought, that the Bible stays right where it is."
Later that day Wasilla librarian Beulah Finderbinder was the victim of a drive-by
hickey administered by an oil lobbyist in a Lincoln Continenal convertible. It
was, of course, on her back and to the right.