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Raging Pencils by Mike "Chicken Fingers" Stanfill

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Raging Pencils is a minor personal conceit of:

Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
IllustrationFlash AnimationWeb Design

start rant

Dog Tired

"Art is dangerous. It is one of the attractions: when it ceases to be dangerous, you don't want it." - Duke Ellington

inflatable dog turdLong Story Short: The noises in my head.

Recently, and I swear to Kohler that I am not making this up, a giant inflatable dog turd broke free of its moorings at a Swiss art museum. It broke a power line before eventually crashing into a children's home and breaking a window.

I mention this story for three reasons:

(1) I'm amused that somewhere in this world a dog turd can be considered art.

(2) I can point out that George Bush looks like a big dog turd.

(3) I get the chance to use the word "dog turd" four times in public without getting slapped.


Imagine if the mind of the fleet commander of the U.S. Navy was infiltrated and subjugated by an evil alien entity, one which subsequently brought the whole of the fleet into armed combat with itself. But, through some fortuitous circumstance the alien entity was driven out of the commanders mind, never to be seen again.

Here's the question: Would you expect to see the fleet commander back at work the next day?

It never stopped Jean Luc Picard.


I wonder if Superman ever used the old "Kryptonite" line on Lois when he couldn't get it up.

I wonder why I would wonder that.


Was there some guy, back in 33 a.d., whose only job was to make logs nice and square so they'd look good for the crucifixions?

We should have used kangaroos instead of wood for crucifixions. It would make the event more fun for everyone involved plus you can store spare wine and wafers in the little pouch.

The most numerous book ever printed is the Bible. I think this is Jesus' way of getting back at the trees. After all, you can't be nailed to one and not be expected to show just a little hostility.

Why are Bible's printed on such crappy paper? You'd think they'd be printed on something more substantial, something that would possibly emit an audible thud when the page is turned. Come to think of it, God knows when every sparrow falls so maybe using this thin paper is a way of staying under His radar when re-reading the dirty parts of Deuteronomy.

Should Bible's be printed on recycled paper? Would you be twice as pious if the paper was made entirely of old recycled Bibles? Would recycling old evolution books into Bibles cancel out the religious effect? What if some of that recycled paper was composed of old pornography? How small a portion can a Bible be composed of recycled pictures of animal sodomy before it can be considered unholy?


end rant

100% Free Bonus Snark!

Barack Obama  tax plan
A comparison of the McCain and Obama tax plans. Do you see
McCain's Big Lie? He gives EVERYONE a tax break.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Bonus Snarklette

Smokey says "Yes we can!"

Today's Google Chow.
"Lessee... I'd like an oil war, some tax breaks and, aw, hell, gimme a Manchurian candidate with everything."