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Raging Pencils by Mike "Boogie-oogie-oogie" Stanfill

A Diebold Halloween

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Raging Pencils is a minor personal conceit of:

Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
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Today's mystery web comic is:

start rant
He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

"If god created us in his image we have certainly returned the compliment." - Voltaire

Long Story Short: Speaking of dicks.

what a dickThe previous Raging Pencils cartoon featured my interpretation of the typical Judeo-Christian view of the imaginary being who, in the belief of the devout, created everything.

The idea for the cartoon was more complex than the result as the initial idea was murderously difficult to delineate in a single panel cartoon. So I'm going to discuss it at some length here.

Basically, this planet is host to at least 15 million different species of animals, and every dang one of them has either a penis or a vagina. (Sometimes they have both, but since God is perfect they must be figments of our imagination, like homosexuals, so we'll ignore them for now.)

As wonderful as our standard-issue genitalia is it seems to show a marked lack of imagination on the part of a deity powerful enough to create an entire universe in the geological wink of a hummingbird's eye. The male mechanism in particular is as simple as it can get varying, basically, only in length, width and/or girth from our nearest neighbor on the evolutionary tree. On the positive side, this limitation has resulted in a veritable financial boon for anyone with a drug, device or plan to increase any of those three dimensions. But I digress.

So God came up with "Tab A into slot B" and pretty much put everything on automatic. 


For one thing, the pleasure of sex is an inducement to increase the population, right? So why don't men have more than one penis, a handy spare for when the first one blows its protein brains out? I doubt there's one woman out there who would complain about such an arrangement but the Bible is ample evidence for God's misogyny so it's his plan, his fault, his sick twisted idea that men are doomed to be uni-boinkers. And women are doomed to hope for better luck next time.

Secondly, just as we eat and breathe out of the same hole in our head, occasionally leading to choking to death if we're not careful, why did the penis have to serve a dual function? Maybe I'd LIKE to urinate and procreate simultaneously. Would that be so wrong? And don't even get me started about the inconvenience of a full bladder and a cord of morning wood. If you think about it, we're little more than human Swiss Army knives.

But I suppose it could be worse. If God had given it any real consideration we could have been blessed with a single orifice that does it all, breathe-eat-shit-piss-ejaculate-birth, all from the same nozzle.

And that's why the I drew a cartoon of God rolling out one of 15 million different penises.


end rant

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Well, Bush crapped all over the American people so I guess
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