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Raging Pencils by Mike "Miss Congeniality" Stanfill

worst person in the world contest

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Raging Pencils is an immense personal conceit of:

Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
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Today's mystery web comic is: Minus

start rant

Dotting the i's and Crossing the Rubicon

"Never explain, your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway." - Elbert Hubbard

surpriseLong Story Short: A letter to a friend leaning to the dark side.

Hi Fred;

A little birdie tells me that you're planning on voting for John McCain for president this year.

Atta boy!

First off, what was Obama thinking? I mean, how dumb can a person be to be born with dark skin in America? Everyone knows that an overabundance of melanin is not the same thing as a tan. Besides, all that brown clashes with red, white AND blue, anyway. Am I right? Small wonder he doesn't wear his flag pin, the traitor.

Secondly, who needs someone in the White House with a degree in Constitutional Law? As Richard Nixon says "When the president does it, that means it is not illegal." You can't rule the world with a worthless piece of Constitutional paper in your way, at least that's what George Bush always says.

Thirdly, how foolish can a presidential candidate be to not populate his campaign with lobbyists? Those guys really know how to work the system, especially a thoroughbred like Phil Gram, who is almost singlehandedly responsible for the current economic miracle on Wall Street and in the lending industry these days. Think how well off we'll be once he's installed as head of the Department of Finance. Wow! If anyone can tie Social Security to the burgeoning Stock Market, Phil can.

In addition, all of Obama's talk about energy independence is laughable. Unlike all those European countries currently generating record amounts of power from passive solar America just doesn't have enough sun or wind to satisfy all its hungry appliances. It's better we fight endless, and quite profitable, wars over oil. That's what our army is for, right? There's too many of them little brown people in this world, anyway. Plus, we have plenty of unemployed young men just begging to fight for $4 gas in an overseas desert paradise. So what if most of them don't speak English. They don't speak it in Baghdad, either. Besides, McCain wants to invest $350 billion in nuclear power, a boon for the weapons-grade plutonium industry, and we all know how safe, efficient and environmentally friendly nuclear plants are.

As for Joe Biden, what a joke. Are we supposed to believe that he has spent 35 years as a Senator and hasn't once been arrested for bribes, sex in bathrooms or hanging out with hookers? What a dweeb. And not one of his daughters got knocked-up as a teen, the clearest indication of small town family values there is. So what if he's got a son fighting in Iraq. That was obviously just a political ploy. Unlike Track Palin who joined on the advice of a wise, old judge. Boys will be boys, right? I mean, who hasn't cut the brake lines on school buses or gotten hooked on oxycontin at least once in their life. Not me, that's for sure.

Finally, that Sarah Palin is a real pistol or, should I say, AK-47. It's amazing how she can bullshit about anything, almost sounding like she knows what she's talking about, and the press just laps it up like new honey. She's the new George Bush, even says "new-kew-lar" just like all us down here in the trailer park. I love it! I hear she has big plans to decrease violence towards women by defunding all the programs currently installed. After all, if there's no record of abuse then there's no abuse, right? No blood, no foul. Brilliant!

She's the leader we are all waiting for once Mr. McCain steps down. Even though, actuarially speaking, he won't make it though his first term we are, of course, wishing Big John all the best, right? <wink-wink>



end rant

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bridge of lies

Today's Google Chow.
Worst Person in the Word competition, Great Lakes division.
"I once died, reincarnated as a tiger and ate my own children."
"I personally ignited the thermite that destroyed the World Trade Center."
"I introduced Sarah Palin to Karl rove."