Short
Arm Transubstantiation
"There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals
were like those of donkeys and whose emission was
like that of horses." - Ezekiel 23:20
 Long
Story Short: Sometimes your arms really ARE too short to
box with god.
When
you think about it, Western religious iconography would be
much different had Jesus been rendered differently abled
via
birth or accident.
Suppose Jesus was the victim of a freak accident in a high
school wood shop that resulted in the severing of both
arms, just short of the shoulder.
His physical condition would have made his later crucifixion
a real head-scratcher. My guess is that they would have crammed
him onto a pole,
sphincter-first,
like those little pink erasers on a #2
pencil. If you wore a little metal commemorative representation
of this event around your neck the chain would surely
be strung through
his ears. That I'm certain of.
Too cruel? Okay, how about if he lost just one arm. In that
case he wouldn't have been nailed to a simple cross, it would
have been something more like a sideways "T". And if one
hand was nailed to the crossmember on one side what were
the nails on the other side hammered into? Yikes!
Would Calvary Hill have had a wheelchair ramp? And would
it have been easier or harder to bear your cross when you're
rolling one-handed?
Suppose Big J was born with a cleft palate. Would anyone
have understood him when he said "Morgib nem
fanner,
for
ney no
nod whad
day noo."?
But,
fortunately for the Corporate Church, God or the luck of
genetics made sure that Jesus was a strapping hunk of a man
who would
make
an ideal blood
sacrifice. The tabloids would eat that shit up. Which they
did.
A final historical/technical note... records indicate that
people executed via crucifixion were generally hung upside
down,
with the
spikes being driven through the groin. The people who did
this weren't interested in poignant iconography, they wanted
you to really
think about your transgressions, even if it was nothing more
than simply being in the wrong place at the wong time.
=mike=
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