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Raging Pencils by Mike "hornysaurus" Stanfill

Sex was much more complicated in 63,001,957 BC.

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Eh, Men?

"Spiritual maturity is a lifelong process of replacing lies with truth." - Kurt Bruner

how religion worksLong Story Short: My electric flying teapot, it comforts me.

I was raised in Fort Worth, Texas, steeped in the prickly marinade of that good, old Baptist pressure cooker. Which means that by the time I was twelve I was a devout atheist as no one, I felt, but an imbecile could fail to penetrate the flimsy facade of faith these guys doled out to the assembled laity. But ninnies there are aplenty, which is precisely what the church counts on. Preferably ninnies with lots of money in the bank and lots of skeletons in the closet.

Because I wear my sanity on my sleeve like an Aldiss Lamp I'm constantly confronted my those anxious to save my soul. And I always tell each and every one of them the same thing -- that I'll gladly accept the sanctity of their particular belief if they'll tell me, in perfect detail, where their god came from. And by "god" I mean the Big Cosmic Kahuna, be he of Christian or Moslem or whatever faith. None of their minor henchmen, we're talking the franchise owner, not the ball boys.

The answers are unsurprisingly consistent: "He's always been here, darlin'", delivered with the same sweet smile people generally reserve for the profoundly retarded when they accidentally do something right.

That's when I return the favor by patting them as patronizingly as possible on the head and say "Prove it". It's at this point that things usually go downhill, when even the sweetest maiden aunt comes a little unglued because deep down inside they know they've been had.

It's exactly at that point that they realize that nowhere in their arcane lore does it hypothesize something so miraculously astonishing as the possible progenitor of the One True God, or his antedent, or his dear old grandad, et cetera, et cetera.

To a one they all share this primitive belief that a being powerful enough to create everything, and I mean everything, simply appreared out of thin air and set up shop. By comparison the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny make more sense because, at least for a few years, they deliver.

Keep this in mind the next time you get that dreaded knock on the door at seven in the evening. Give 'em a pat on the head for me.


end rant

Raging Pencils is a minor personal conceit of:

Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
Mike Stanfill, Private Hand
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Bonus Snarklette
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Today's Google Chow.
"Look, baby, suppose one day we all die in a fiery apocalypse, and our remains eventually become fuel form an army of tiny metal vehicles which burn this fuel thus setting in motion another mass extinction?"
"Forget it! I'm still saving myself for marriage!"
Sex was more complicated in 63,001957 B.C.