Political Suicide

Here is the pertinent part of Goldenrod Golem's "bloodbath quote" from his March 16th rally in Dayton, Ohio:

"Now, if I don't get elected, it's gonna be a bloodbath for the whole ... that's gonna be the least of it, it's gonna be a bloodbath for the country, that'll be the least of it."

Shortbus Hitler claims he was referring to the auto industry suffering under any but his own dictatorship presidency but it's clear that the word "bloodbath" was foremost on his mind for reasons having little to do with cars. I'm pretty sure, after having looked at the dwindling reserves of his campaign finances, his political advisors have used the word in a desperate attempt to get his attention, no shiny ring of keys being available, of just how grim his reelection possibilities are.

To be clear, no person using the word "bloodbath" as anything other than a metaphor for bloodless activities, and Derf Fuhrer is decidedly unmetaphorical, should be allowed anywhere near the reins of power. It's a Freudian slip of epic proportions.

-----------------

Now, some may take this cartoon as unusually cruel but, realistically speaking, if the Great Pumpkin Poobah doesn't steal win the next election he's as good as dead.

And if you want to talk bloodbaths, let's start with those one million people who died during the pandemic because "someone" in the White House chose to play political games with valid vaccine science. Fuck that guy.

----------------

At the other end of the political spectrum, WAYYYYY at the other end, was President Joe Biden's appearance at the Gridiron Dinner this past weekend, an event Bloodbath Boy avoided during his four years squatting behind the Resolute Desk because he cannot take a joke.

Joe's writers were on fire for the event and her are some of the best lines:

“One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other is me.”

“Kamala and I and the members of the administration here tonight are proud — proud of our accomplishments on behalf of the American people: record job growth, wages rising, rigging the Super Bowl for Taylor Swift.”

“Our big plan to cancel student debt doesn't apply to everyone. Just yesterday, a defeated-looking man came up to me and said, “I'm being crushed by debt. I'm completely wiped out.” I said, “Sorry, Donald, I can't help you.”

"[Republicans] would rather fail at impeachment than succeed at anything else."

"They take credit for one [of the] biggest infrastructure laws but voted against it. And I'm the one confused?"

“We’re committed to helping the little guy. Ron DeSantis, but he won’t take our calls.”

You go, Joe!

----------------

I knew this cartoon wouldn't fly on Reddit's /r/politicalhumor section because it implies self-harm but after a few hours of thought I posted it anyway. It did very well and got lots of positive response (My favorite: "I have the strangest boner.") but the mods yanked it at 5AM, citing the "No violence" clause.

Now, I'm not the guy who's responsible for five Capital officers dying as a result of the attack on January 6th.

I'm not the guy responsible for hundreds of thousands of Americans dying during the pandemic because it seemed like a good political ploy to refute vaccine science.

I'm not the guy now bandying the word "bloodbath" about on the eve of new elections by a man reduced to poverty because he's a business fraud, whose only chance of not dying in jail rests entirely on having Russia steal the next election for him.

I'm just the guy using Trump's own horrible, deliberate choice of words to fancifully illustrate the only kind of "bloodbath" he should reasonably be associated with.

Considering that Trump's perverted pal, Jeffrey Epstein, died of "suicide" in jail perhaps what the Reddit mods were most appalled by is I didn't add a spoiler alert.

- Lefty