Noo
Roolz
Hey,
NBA, how about lowering
the net two feet
so we can ALL tomahawk
dunk. Or raising
it two feet to negate
freakish height in
the game, letting
smaller players who
can really ball handle and
shoot have a chance
at an NBA contract.
Hey, MLB, how about
reducing the base-on-ball
count to three. It'd
make quicker games
and force the pitcher
to find the strike
zone. While we're
at it, stop having
the catcher gives
easily-stolen signals
because what you're
saying is that pitchers
are dumbasses who
are incapable of
researching hitter
preferences.
Hey, NFL, how about
making ALL the players
eligible for a pass
at all times? That'd
be fun as fuck.
Hey, NHL, have two
pucks on the ice
at all times. It'd
be crazy fun!
-----------
Republican Senators
are saying they're "blind
sided" by
all this revelatory
information about
Trump and Ukraine
now coming to light.
What they're actually
saying is, like Custer, "Where
the Hell did all
these Injuns come
from?"
-----------
Bolton says Barr
knew about the Ukraine
phone call. Barr
says he didn't.
Bolton has notes.
Bolton has records.
Bolton has corroborating
evidence.
Barr should be impeached
for covering up t-Rump's
crime.
Barr should go to
jail.
-----------
I heard there is
going to be a big
protest in Washington
outside the Senate
building on Wednesday
so I thought I'd
see what a flight
to DC would cost.
Google Maps at first
thought I was flying
from Maryland to
Dallas and showed
me several options
for round-trip flights
for around $125.
Niiiiice.
Flights from Dallas
(where I live) to
Maryland?
Try between $600
and $1000.
What the effing EFF?!
This.
This here
is why we can't have
nice revolutions.
------------
Oh, so now the Russiapublicans want
to impeach Obama
while we're removing
His Most Evil Obeseness.
Okay, you can
impeach Mr. Obama
but only after you've
put Hillary in jail
and made Mexico pay
for your wall and
eliminated the deficit
and given us all
big, beautiful affordable
health care and cleaned
your room.
BWAHHHHHH-hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!
-----------
Judge* Kavanaugh
stood up on his hind
legs on Monday and
pooted-out that there's
bigotry against religion
in this country.
Specifically the
poor, old boy-raping
Catholic church.
Talk to me about
religious bigotry
the next time a group
of atheists and agnostics
burn a priest at
the stake.
(BTW, it's important
to note that he's
SO VERY specifically
concerned about religious
bigotry
but not racial bigotry.
That's because there's
no money in pretending
to be tolerant of
other races.)
-----------
The Ken Starr Defense
(thus far): You can't
impeach a president
who hasn't committed
an actual crime.
What we've learned
from Starr:
•
It was a crime when
Bill Clinton lied
about a consensual
affair.
•
It was not a crime
when Donald Trump
engaged in a conspiracy
to cover up an attempt
to extort a foreign
power to help him
fix the next presidential
election.
What we've learned
about Starr:
That
you can get a law
degree by sending
50 cents and a Cheerios
box top to Battle
Creek, Michigan.
-----------
Michael Jackson's
literary legacy:
Redefined the word "bad" to
mean "formidable".
t-Rump's literary
legacy: Redefined
the word "perfect" to
mean "I'm pissing
on your shoes and
telling you it's
raining."
=Lefty=
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