And Now, the 2020 State of the Union

Good evening, my fellow Republicans.

Boy, it's been a helluva year. As you know, the corrupt Democ-rats in Congress have been stomping on our precious Constitution in order to destroy our bigly economic development, all thanks to me of course, that this great country has achieved over the past 36 months.

Can you believe it? The Liberals are actually trying to impeach me, you know, but they can't do it. Can't do it. Know why? Because Mueller and Clinton ran an illegal server farm in the Ukraine that ran on the blood of babies. He admitted it in the Steele Dossier. But don't worry, I'll take care of both of them soon. Once Ginsberg is gone we're gonna see some real changes around here. It'll be great. For me.

Nancy Pelosi, "Nasty Nancy" I call her, has been particularly mean to me but I've been told by other stable geniuses, and it may or may not be the Russians, who knows, that she won't be around after the elections. There may be a problem with the voting machines that will cause interesting results but that's just what I've heard. Either way, you know the voting is rigged when Democ-rats win. It's the only way they can. Believe me.

But let's talk about my unbelievable accomplishments for a minute. That's why you're here, right? In the past year I've built my wall, everyone now has beautiful health care, black people have the best jobs ever and the Chinese are on their knees begging me to save them from bankruptcy, which I may or may not do. I haven't decided yet. I control their fate with my giant, powerful hands that hold, like, the biggest Sharpies ever. Bigger than the Sharpies used by Lincoln or Washington or even Madison.

Did you know Madison had huge hands? The biggest. But mine are at least twice that size. Mitch McConnell keeps a pair of Madison's old slave-whipping gloves hidden in his neck vagina and he lets me try them on when he visits me in the White House but they're too small, folks. Too small. Tiny. They're tiny like little girl gloves.

You're probably wondering what my administration has planned for the next year and the first thing I'm gonna do is build my wall, then we'll work on beautiful health care for everyone. After that I'm gonna see to it that black people get the best jobs then I'm gonna drive the Chinese to their knees if they don't quit messing with America. I've done it before.

Well, that's it, but before I go I just want to say to all of you who didn't vote for me last election that I know who you are and I know where your children go to school.

God bless me, and Gob blesh the Unita Shtades of Uhmerrigga.

=Lefty=