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Nature's Candy

raisinsI dislike MallWart for a variety of what I consider very good reasons, so it gives me great pleasure to always spend my food dollars in my local Krogers rather than in the MallWart Supercenter just across the street from it. However, I make one tiny exception to this rule.

Raisins.

I consider the sweet little devils a superfood and put them in almost everything I cook (Black bean burritos with raisins and walnuts. Mmmmmm.) but Kroger's prices on raisins are borderline usurious. Not only that but they're simply labeled "raisins" with no indication of port of origin. They could be Syrian raisins for all I know. I'm comforted by the fact that the generic MallWart boxes have the words "California Raisins" on them even though I'm pretty sure some degree of indentured slavery in involved in the manufacturing process.

So, cheap bastard that I am, every couple of months I scurry into Satan's Superstore and grab an armload of nature's candy. Then I hustle for the exits as fast as possible before I'm infected by whatever odious potion they spray in the air to make those people stumble around like zombies in there.

Ewww.

But this past Monday, as I'm making a Raisin Run, I'm on my way towards the self check-out and I pass one of those big orange carts, the kind usually piled with reject groceries. Only this time it's piled to the top with cat food. Good cat food. The kind my guys eat.

And it's 75% off.

I find a clerk (a miracle unto itself) and ask what's the deal, and he says "It's a re-set". I don't know what that means but it doesn't sound like "Poison Chinese cat food" to me so I grab a cart and fill it up. I exit the store with the equivalent of $160 worth of cat food in my basket, grinning maniacally, knowing that with salaries and utilities factored in I've personally cost MallWart a couple of cool George Washingtons.

Now all I need is a few billion more cats and I'll drive the Waltons to their knees.

=Lefty=

end rant

Oh, that Mitt.

big fat liarMitt Romney thinks "middle class" means someone earns $250,000 a year.

Mitt Romney is an out-of-touch putz.




An exclusive Raging Pencils bumper-sticker!
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President Obama's Top 50 Accomplishments

Number 23: Passed Credit Card Reforms

barack obamaSigned the Credit Card Accountability, Responsibility, and Disclosure Act (2009), which prohibits credit card companies from raising rates without advance notification, mandates a grace period on interest rate increases, and strictly limits overdraft and other fees.




For the full list of his 50 finest achievements read the Washington Monthly story.

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And now our Chart of the Day: George Bush even sucked at raisin production.

raisin production

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Republican Job Creation Update

republican job creation7-11-2012: The House spent the entire day Tuesday debating the repeal of the Affordable Care Act. This is the 33rd time in 18 months that they've tried this. According to the Congression Research Service these votes have cost the tax-payers $50 million dollars. No jobs were even remotely created.

For the full 2001-2012 list of Republican sloth please visit republicanjobcreation.com.

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Fox News Lies. Dump Fox News

Fox News Lies! A
ccording to Fox News, voting is a privilege. Fuck Fox News.



Click here to help Drop Fox from your cable system.



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If you enjoy Raging Pencils, might I also recommend:
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Today's Google Chow.

Criminal Tips with your old pal Burglar Bob

Today's Topic: Guns

(1) Every gun owner dreams of shooting a burglar so always target unoccupied houses.
(2) It may seem hard to find guns but all you have to do is think like a 4-year-old and... Look!
(3) When you find guns, steal them. They're worth a lot of money and cannot be traced.
(4) Bonus Tip: Stolen guns are always replaced with something newer and more expensive, so come back later and steal them again.

Happy Burgling!






Overturn Citizens United