Who
Wants to Be A Cartoon Character?
 I've
been watching with obvious envy all of these fake Kickstarter
pages for products we'll never see and
I thought to myself "How can I also empty the boodle-bags
of dreamers and fools?"
And then it came to me... my generous and thoughtful
readers!
Here's the deal: Your likeness will be caricatured
in a future Raging Pencils comic and all you have to
do
is
be the
high
bidder
in the world's crappiest eBay
auction. Did I mention you'll get free art
and stuff? The bidding lasts a week so bid now and
bid
often.
------------------
Good
Day, You Hosers.
 I've
mentioned before that I like to take long walks nearly
every day. I used to enjoy playing handball and basketball
until the day one of my teammates blew an aorta while
attempting
to block a lay-up, so ever since I've been taking a
less strenuous approach to my daily constitutional.
Besides, according to new research
a mere
30
minutes of walking
every day is all a person really needs to keep the
doctor and his juicy, delicious apples away.
Now I have to shift gears a bit and tell you that my
area of town recently went "wet", which means Mom &
Pop beer and wine shops seemingly
sprang up
on
every
available corner of my neighborhood.
I don't drink, never have, so it was no skin off my
nose.
Or so I thought.
Now on my daily walks I'm finding my path littered
with endless beer bottles carelessly discarded by good
old room-temperature American goons.
GRRRR!
Some of the bottles are, thankfully,
whole and so, like a reverse Johnny
Appleseed,
I pick
up
what I can
and drop them into the
nearest
available
recycling
bin. (And I do mean "reverse". Mr. Appleseed planted
all those apple trees so settlers could make hard cider,
a popular drink back in them days.)
I don't even TRY to pick up all the discarded plastic
bottles.
Life's too short and Cthuhlu knows what's brewing in
them.
To be honest, streets glistening with shards of broken
Bud Light can be kind of pretty as long as you're not
walking barefoot into the sunset with your beloved.
And I'm
certain that real estate salesmen could put a positive
spin on the problem if they gave it a try. Maybe even
advertise it as a natural defense against unshod Mormons.
Better than nothing.
This is one of those situations that deserve more than
just one guy picking up the garbage tossed out of the
car windows of pigs. I need at least one magic wish
that would send every broken bottle into the underpants drawer
of the offender. It's a start.
=Lefty=
----------------
Notes, Notes, and More Notes.
Justice: Last Friday George Bush,
Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and five of their legal
advisers were convicted
of war crimes by a Malaysian tribunal. This is
actually kind of a big deal as it means any of the
eight men can be arrested if they travel to almost
any other country.
Sleaze: Retired Philadelphia police
officer Captain
Ray Lewis may lose his life insurance
for joining the Occupy protestors. This is sickening.
Police Report: German police officers
fired 85 bullets in all of 2011. In America, New York
police used that many bullets on just one
man. Tell me again why we need all these guns?
Meanwhile, a Beaumont, California woman's eyes
were destroyed by a cop's brutal misuse of pepper
spray.
Science Nerdgasm: Batteries that
are 10 times more powerful using cheap,
plentiful silicon. Neato!
Heresy: Faith has some good side-benefits.
If you prayed harder and fasted longer you'd be
quieter
and
lose
some weight.
Humor: "I would never die for
my beliefs, because I might be wrong." - Bertrand
Russell
------------
And now our Chart of the Day: Trade book sales,
February 2010 vs. February 2011.
Large-print
version here.
------------
Republican Job Creation Update
 5-14-2012: Last
Thursday the House passed the Sequestration Replacement
Act, designed to fatten the Pentagon coffers at the
expense of the elderly and the poor. It is destined
to die in the Senate. No Jobs were created.
------------
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