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Warrin' Commission

zombieland kennedyNext year the city of Dallas, where I currently live and wheeze, will mark the 50th anniversary of the assassination of president John F. Kennedy. My fair city has decided to mark the occasion by calling it "The 50th".

Just "The 50th".

That's pretty uninspired but it gets worse than that. Come next November the Dallas powers-that-be (meaning old rich, white guys, reeking of Pennzoil) are going to lock down Dealy Plaza 48 hours before the anniversary and surround it with armed (probably armored) cops. There will be a downtown ceremony on the 23rd but you have to have a ticket to get in and, so far, no one knows how many will be printed or who will get one. How about that?

To mollify the rabble unable to make the Big Shew the city plans to erect several jumbotrons around the city to share the moment of silence because, you know, we don't have TV's or anything like that here in Texas. Just roaming buffalo.

What the City of Hate is afraid of is Dealy Plaza being overrun on the 23rd by hordes of Jackie and John zombie-lookalikes, either stumbling or riding in their brain-strewn Lincoln convertibles, exercising their First Amendment right to ridicule a moment of disastrous political expediency made possible largely by our Second Amendment.

Bonus Video: For even more scandalous fun the late, lamented Bill Hicks discusses the Kennedy assassination.


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covenenant houseEvery day in this country young adults are forced into the streets with no place to go and little to eat. Luckily for them there's places like Covenant House. It not only meets the immediate needs of homeless kids but also helps guide them to a self-sufficient future.

So if you have a few bucks left over after buying Aunt Thelma that new snood please consider making a small holiday donation to this worthy organization. Thanks!

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Uncle Lefty's Saturnalian Shopping Tips

Looking for that special example of commercial excess to impress the jaded kin on your Xmas list? Well, howzabout one of these?


yodeling pickelThe Yodeling Pickle

You may be asking yourself why you would ever, in your right mind, consider purchasing a yodeling pickle, but there's a very good reason:

Telemarketers.

Just snag one of these bad boys and leave it by the phone. The next time you receive a call with a suspicious looking caller ID you'll be prepared to give your unwanted pest an earful of pickle-liscious GTFO.

=Lefty=

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Republican Job Creation Update

republican job creation12-3-12: The House spent forty minutes discussing a bill to amend the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act. That's all they did. No jobs were created.

12-4-12:
The House granted permanent resident status to six people and referred an energy efficiency bill (H.R. 6852) to committee. No jobs were created.

For the full list of Republican sloth please visit republicanjobcreation.com.

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Today's Chart of the Day: Who Will Get the Blame for Tumbling America Off the Fiscal Cliff? (Arrows added for gleeful, snarkity emphasis.)

blame for the fiscal cliff

Larger version of chart available here.

end rant


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Today's Google Chow.

Fat guy: I'm having chest pains.
Help Line: The answer is more bacon.

Druggie: I think I've overdosed.
Help Line: The answer is more drugs.

Woman: My boyfriend is shooting at me.
Help Line: The answer is more guns.

Man: I think our help line has been hijacked by the NRA.
Help Line: Lucky guess.






Overturn Citizens United