Big Bang

Imaginary Monday morning meeting at Acme Handguns.

CEO: "Okay, Johnson, what do you have for me?"

Johnson: "As ordered, we've expedited 100 gross of our Suicide Specials to Green Bay as we expect demand to spike for the next week or so."

CEO: "Good man! Now what about Denver? They didn't do so well this weekend, either."

Johnson: "True, but it's a more fundamentalist demographic. They're more inclined to take disappointment out on their kids in that part of the country. But we're floating some cable ad-balloons featuring Jesus arming himself for the Apocalypse with our X-1000 Crippler semi-automatic. Market testing shows we can expect substantial infiltration in the Caucasian percentile the closer Satan's minions resemble the Wu-Tang Clan."

CEO: "Tang? The stuff the astronauts drink?"

Johnson: "Tribal music, sir. Speaking of which, a new sub-category of thug rap is showing signs of emergence in Philly. The percussion is evidently driven by syncopated gunshots and so the dance-offs are resulting in increased mortality rates, especially on the extended breaks. We're funneling product into regional gun shows to ensure stabilization of the genre during this critical gestational period."

CEO: Great! what else?"

Johnson: "We also have reports that gas prices will be spiking along the eastern seaboard and, combined with heavy construction along the I-95 corridor, we're certain that increased road rage activity should keep stockholders happy clear through to the peak Valentine's Day depression plateau. Accordingly, we're diverting most of the ad-budget to billboards through Memorial Day, promoting our web site and accentuating free next-day shipping for .357 and up. "

CEO: "You're a good man, Johnson. What do you say we break early for lunch, go downtown and bribe a congressman or two?"

Johnson: "You're a fun boss, sir."

=Lefty=

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And now our "Chart of the Day": Gun deaths per 100,000 Americans by state.



Click here to embiggen.

=Lefty=

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Republican Job Creation Update

1-16-2012: Congress will return to session tomorrow, January 17th. I don't expect our conservative pals to get much done that day except, I suppose, to compare pictures of their Filipino pool boys.

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