Words
In My Mouth
 I need
to preface the following story, which has almost everything to do with
today's comic, with the unusual fact that there were eight kids in
my family.
We did okay on my father's
used
car-salesman
salary
but
there wasn't much left over at the end of the day. Typically my sibs
and I all reaped the benefit of our morning trough and then were
summarily shooed into the yard to fend for
ourselves until
dinner.
But this paradise was not to last as eventually the day came when I
was old enough go to school and I was suddenly presented with the puzzling
prospect of
something
called
"lunch",
manifested
by a
crumpled paper
bag Mother had shoved into my greasy mitts on the way out the door.
At the time I could have cared less as
I was inundated by all manner of sensations. My very own desk, the
smell of chalk and disinfectant, not to mention a room full of potential
new victims playmates. It was heady times, indeed.
Precisely at noon on that first day of preparation for my future my
comrades and I were trooped into the lunchroom to partake of this aforementioned
lunch thing. I found a place to sit and reached deep into the bowels
of my little paper bag to find a sandwich carefully wrapped
in waxed-paper. It was a single slice of bread, folded, containing
a foreign substance which turned out to be egg salad. I'm hungry, so
I dig in.
The moment my teeth closed down on that very first
bite my little first-grade brain went "HOLY FUCK! THIS IS THE MOST
DELICIOUS
THING I'VE
EVER EATEN
IN
MY
WHOLE
GODDAMNED
LIFE! WHY HAS MOM BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME!"
Luckily for Mom I'd forgotten the whole incident by the time I got
home and probably busied myself tormenting some defenseless creature...
like my sisters.
The next day I could hardly wait for lunchtime. "What wonders will
await me?", I thought as I fidgeted at my desk. But the moment finally
arrived and, upon opening the waxed paper, I recall being a little
disappointed to discover it was
egg salad
again. Worse, after taking
a
bite all
I could think
was
"Hmm.
Too
much
pepper".
So, like it or not, my life of a malcontent began and, thus far, it
ends with today's comic. You all have Mom's cooking to
blame.
=Lefty=
------------
 "We're
going to have a relentless focus on creating jobs." -
John Boehner, February 10, 2011.
The following is #59 in a list of Republican
job creation activities
since they gained control of the House in 2011. None,
sad to
say,
have
yet to result in one, single new job.
(59) 7-29-2011: The GOP wasted the past two days on
its version of a debt ceiling bill that even its own
party won't
vote for. John Boehner is a miserable failure as
both the Majority Leader and as a shepherd for these
hard times.
------------
 And
what manner of lie is Fox News spewing today? They're trying
to throw doubt on the science of global warming by referring
to volcanoes
on the moon. Really!
Click here to help Drop
Fox from your cable system.
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