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you personally know British Petroleum CEO Tony
Hayward and you read this comic then do me a
give him a sharp slap
across the ears at your first opportunity.
you're from Kansas and your home gets swept up
by a twister and is subsequently carried aloft
along the jet stream to England please forget
and try as hard as you can to land on Mr. Hayward's
head. If possible, clip the bridge of his nose
with the mail box.
If you're in London and you happen to get zombified
in the midst of the zombie apocalypse and you
trap Tony Hayward in the back of his burning
limo, please don't eat his brain.
Trust me. Just... don't.
Instead, try plucking out his eyeballs with
any old caviar tins you might find cluttering
up the floorboards next to half-empty jars
of rancid anal lube and partially-chewed 1986
editions of Hustler Magazine.
If your wolverine unexpectedly contracts rabies
and a case of explosive diarrhea simply drop
it off at the Hayward household. He loves
to solve problems.
Raging Pencils salutes the
Mystery Readers of
you are, thanks for
reading my high-pressure
Today's mystery web comic is:
GOD HATES ASTRONAUTS
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Progress • Talking
Me presenting my big idea to President Obama.
Me: "Okay, here's my idea... let's simply use
hundreds of tons of rock and gravel to bury that toxic
son of a bitch, once and for all, at the bottom of
Prez: "Hmm, it's primitive but I think it just
might stop that oil leak."
Me: "Oil leak? I'm talking about Tony Hayward."