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several solutions to the airline passenger screening
(1) Hire my mother to approve every passenger.
Yeah, it'd take a while to get everyone
settled into their seats but my mom can tell if someone's
guilty in a New York second. Her determined vigilance
against mischief made me
the rich, powerful, ridiculously overendowed Übermensch I
(2) Install a log-flume ride at the airport entrance
and require that everyone use it to enter the gates
wearing light-colored clothing.
It'd be an entertaining way to enter the airport and
the ensuing drenching would safely render
semi-transparent without the nuisance of all that radiation.
Not only would it also have a
detrimental effect on powdered explosives but prizes
could be awarded to the
passenger with the most bodacious ta-tas.
(3) Remember how in WWI the Allies would ask suspected
Nazi spies about American baseball statistics? Well,
we should ask those kinds of questions again at the gates
and shoot anyone who gets the correct answer.
(4) Have a surprise celebrity appear occasionally at
the gates to handle the
pat-down. This would encourage more travel
as how often would a person have the opportunity to have,
Elijah Wood caressing their goodies while softly moaning
precious. My preciousssss."?
Lastly, don't let anyone who actually wants
to travel by airline on board a plane as these are
the troublemakers. Only
on board who have no intention of traveling.
could function like a WPA program for those without jobs.
We could round up the homeless and the drifters and ship
them off to Atlantic City and Reno, even though they
may threaten to cut you if you
Frankly, they could probably use a vacation as it's
you're going to take your next dump.
What's in Mike's
"La Bamba" by
Today's amazing mystery comic is:
Can't make sense of the news?
Try our selection of progressive nosh:
Dailykos • Crooks
and Liars • Think
Progress • Talking
Ms. Johnson: Hello, Ralph.
Ralph: Hello, Ms. Johnson. Nice to see you again. Where
are we going today?
Ms. Johnson: Uhhh, Bermuda.
Ralph: Okay. Round trip or one-way?
Ms. Johnson: One way.
Ralph: Aisle or window?
Ms. Johnson: Window.
Ralph: Backscanner or pat-down?
Ms. Johnson: Pat-down, please.
Ralph: Fedex guy or Old Spice guy?
Ms. Johnson: Old Spice guy.
Ralph: You got it. Here's your ticket. Off you
Ms. Johnson: Thank you, Ralph!
Ralph: Oh, and Ms. Johnson?
Ms. Johnson: Yes?
Ralph: One of these days you might actually
consider using those tickets.
Ms. Johnson: Put a sock in it, Ralph.
Caption: As in most of life, the TSA discovered that
is most often measured by who gropes who.