The Right; "Remain Silent".

Recently the Supreme Court bestowed personhood upon companies.

They DID!

As much as you love or hate the iPad, Apple Inc. can now smuggle endangered geckos, have sex in airplane bathrooms, dance the macarena and/or develop cancer of the prostate just like everyone else.

In a judgment that had nothing whatsoever to do with the case itself (Yes, you heard right) the four Republican-appointed Supreme Court judges plus Steppin Fetchit, I mean Clarence Thomas, jumped the legal trolley and declared that all future elections are too valuable for the people to decide.

The new rules are that all companies, even if they're multinational corporations run by, oh, let's say France, can spend all the money they want in order to influence future elections.

As. Much. As. They. Want.

Keep in mind that the average cost to win a senate seat is "only" about $8 million dollars these days, literally a rounding error on the caviar bill for companies like Exxon.

What this means is the two-party system is gone, replaced by the Corporate Party system. Soon we'll be served in Washington by Shellocrats, Microsoftonians and Wal-Martians.

The bigger companies, the banks and oil businesses, will get the senators while the lesser entities of the Fortune 500 will get their picking of the House of Representatives.

Locally, state representatives will be bought and sold by used car companies, dry cleaners and fundamentalist churches.

Meanwhile, say goodbye to stimulating candidate debates as from here on as each contender will run on a plank of "I promise to represent (fill-in-the-name-of-company-here) to the best of my avaricious obsequity and the rest of you mewling worms can go kiss my well-funded tookus."

Publicly-funded candidates? Fahgeddaboudit. They'll be so hopelessly outspent by their corporate-funded opponents they might as well be using bright shiny beads.

And get used to voting for white men only, like forever, as oligarchs have no need for women or, God forbid, brown people representing them. All they need is the poor, and only to the extent that they're the ones doing the actual work, fighting the wars, paying the taxes.

Chumps.

I'm exaggerating only slightly here because, in truth, corporations have been buying senators for years.

Hi, Lieberman. Hi, McCain. Hi, basically anyone with an "R" after their name.

There is an answer to this problem but you've been patient enough today so I will proffer my solution come Monday.

Have a great weekend everybody, except you Chief Justice John Roberts. I hope you get a painful boil on your dick. And then I hope your dick falls off. And then I hope they sew it back on with a rusty needle so that it not only becomes infected but putrefies in a way that makes you vomit blood every time you jerk off to naked pictures of Timothy McVeigh.

=Lefty=