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Raging Pencils by
Mike "Itchysaurus" Stanfill
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The Chicken Symposium
:Why did the chicken cross the road?
Pierre de Fermat:
1: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.
2: It did not fit on the margin on this side.
3: Crossing the road was the path with the minimum value
of propagation time.
Godel: It cannot be proved whether the chicken crossed the road.
Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.
A1: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
A2: The other side of the road was its natural place.
A3: To actualize its potential.
Andre Ampere: To keep up with current events.
Robert Boyle: She had been under too much pressure at home.
Nicolaus Copernicus: Despite the evidence of your senses I can
show that it is mathematically simpler to describe it as the road
under the chicken.
C. J. Doppler: To note its effect on passer-bys.
Richard Feynman: It didn't cross the road to the other side. It
actually came back to where it started but was momentarily moving
backward in time..emit ni drawkcab gnivom yliratnemom saw tub detrats
ti erehw to kcab emac yllautca tI .edis rehot eht to daor eht ssorc
t'ndid tI :namnyeF drahciR
Buckminister Fuller: Because we have not yet designed and implemented
true, constantly forwardly/backwardly evolving, energy-transforming
living machines which will enable us to perform all functions from
the informedly turbining hub of a single autonomous in-spiralling/out-radiating
network of space-connected information vector transforms. Had the
chicken been supplied with my Dymaxion Tensegrity Coop, it would
at home, un-tempted by such risky spatial-temporal translations.
Galileo: To get a better look at the stars.
Johannes Kepler: He crossed in an arc, not a straight line.
1) Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend
to cross the road.
2) It was pushed on the road.
3) It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from the road.
4) It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road.
Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side
of the road.
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
Q: Why did Albert Einstein cross the street?
A: To get away from Niels Bohr. But when he got to the other
side Bohr was there also.
Keep reminding yourself... it's all
Extra Deluxe Narcissistic Bonus Fabulousness
From an old sketch book of mine. Media: ballpoint
Raging Pencils salutes the
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