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Raging Pencils by
Mike "Lefty" Stanfill
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Your Scumbag, Part 5
we get a scumbag two-fer as CEO of Coventry Health
Care, Dale Wolf (right) retired on 1-30-09. He
was replaced by Alan Wise (left).
Compensation for Mr. Wise is hard to come by but
Mr. Wolf made about $10 million his last year at
of scumbags... years
ago, when Glenn Beck was a morning radio jock,
he and another DJ, Bruce Kelly, had an on-going
feud. When Kelly's wife suffered a miscarriage
Beck phoned her up a couple of days later and chided
about it, telling her that her husband couldn't
A few years later Beck's second daughter was born
with cerebral palsy.
Maybe there is a god.
One other Glenn Beck item: Since
the day he called President Obama "a racist who
hates white people" his television program has
lost 80 advertisers, and yet he remains on the
That's not capitalism at work, that's propaganda.
Top Ten Things a Late Night Television
Show host gets to enjoy:
(10) Shtupping the ushers
(9) Moisturizing the make-up artists
(8) Riding the old writing staff, if you know what
(7) Employing a high pressure front on the weather
(6) Slipping the sausage to craft services
(5) Indoctrinating the interns
(4) Grinding grodies with the roadies
(3) Grilling the lunch ladies
(2) Laying pipe with Paul
(1) Screwing O'Brien
Raging Pencils salutes the
Mystery Reader of
you are, thanks for
reading my lamentable
Still hungry for real news and analysis?
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Progress • Talking
"Hello. I'm Mike Stanfill, creator of Raging Pencils .
I couldn't help but notice how David Letterman's ratings
jumped 30% after his apology about having sex with
his female employees. So with that in mind, I'd like
to apologize for having sex with my employees.
Although I am currently the only employee here that
doesn't mean the details are any less sordid. It might
disturb you to know that I have, in fact, forced myself
to engage in sex with myself many times.
Many, many times.
But you have my word that I will, from this moment
forward, try my best to comport myself in a manner
befitting that of cartoonist's everywhere... except
Stephen Pastis. That guy's nuts.