"McCain just wants to be president. Obama
just wants to change everything."
- Mike Stanfill
Story Short: Sucker bet.
walked into my kitchen this past Friday for a quick afternoon
snack. The radio was tuned to my local NPR station and evidently
there was some sort of comedy program in progress. The sound
of an annoyingly nasal, impossibly perky female
emanated from my vintage RCA stereo, sounding not too unlike
comediane Julia Sweeny.
was going on and on
life's experiences and her wonderful marriage and her many
children, blah-blah-fucking-blah. She was talking very
loudly and very fast, the same technique late-show infomercials
use to sell nose-hair trimmers or commemorative plates.
It's no secret that some people will fall for anything if
you say it with enough intensity. Flowbee, anyone?
From time to time the audience
erupt into applause
or assertion as if on cue, its artifical exhuberance putting
a cherry on this satire's cake. It was a very subtle piece
of humor about ordinary people who believe their
"Obviously written by some David Sedaris wanna-be. Not bad,
but not great", I said to myself as I headed back to the
I found out later this snippet was actually Sarah Palin's
introduction as Senator McCain's choice for VP.
You see, I'd been following Ms. Palin's exploits as governor
of Alaska for some time and I knew she was a vindictive,
power-hungry ditz headed for a fall. I knew John McCain was
but, with this choice, it's clear he thinks all women
are fools, too.
McCain honestly, seriously thinks that the eighteen million
women who voted for Hilary Clinton in the Democratic primaries
en masse on November 4th and vote Republican just because
he now has a woman on the ticket. "Oh, those silly democrats"
he thought, gleefully rubbing his hands, "they've fallen
into my clever trap."
But McCain is wrong. He may have the vagina but the women
of America know a dick when they see
Without any doubt, if the Democrats had chosen Hilary Clinton
for vice-president then McCain would chosen someone else. Ms.
Palin is simply a tool and a fool. How big of a fool? She
took the job after admitting she doesn't even know what the
does. Only in Republican America, where no matter how unqualified
you are, will you always have the opportunity of doing a
If McCain somehow squeaks out a win you'll never hear from
Ms. Palin for the next four years as her work will have been
is not a vital cog in this two-man organization, she is merely
bait. The switch wil come later.
There is one other aspect to this story and that is the possibility
that Ms. Palin is being used as nothing more
than a tool to shove Mr. Obama's brilliant speech off the
front pages, replaced with endless thoughtful consideration
of this perky, plucky little veep. Eventually
the GOP will react with great shows
nude photos of Ms. Palin begin flooding
the net and they'll have no choice but to replace her with
The next day Bush will declare war on Russia. You heard it